New guidance from the Children's Commissioners – "What I wish my parents or carers knew"

My son turns 14 this week (yikes!). Like every parent, I want to keep him safe – especially online. I read the Children’s Commissioner’s guide “What I Wish My Parents or Carers Knew”  the other day and recommend it.  It reminds us that our children want trust, not lectures. They want us to see the world through their eyes.

And I find that is really hard sometimes….

Living in Bath, we’re surrounded by water (river and canal!). On hot summer days, kids around the age of my soon-to-be 14 year old jump into the river. Of course, I tell my son about the dangers and say, “Don’t do it.” But I’m a realist. I know curiosity and peer influence often wins. So, I was encouraged to do something unusual – to jump in myself. We needed to know: how deep is the river? How strong is the current? If we are going to guide him, we need to understand his world, not just warn him from the sidelines.

It’s the same online. Teenagers are digital natives, and they find workarounds to almost everything and they have an insatiable curiosity – it is scary to say the least and I am constantly outwitted.  I can’t just say to him “stay safe.” I need to know the platforms he uses, the risks he faces, and the reasons why he engages with them. Teenagers today live in a world shaped by algorithms – on social media, streaming platforms, and search engines. These algorithms decide what they see, who they interact with, and what content gets amplified. They create risks: echo chambers that reinforce harmful ideas, exposure to unrealistic body images, and addictive scrolling patterns designed to keep them online. The danger isn’t just what teens choose – it’s what’s chosen for them. Helping young people understand how these systems work, and encouraging critical thinking, is essential to keeping them safe and empowered online.

So in our household that means open conversations. It means listening more than lecturing (if I lecture, he will 100% switch off). It reminds me of my younger days when I was a teenager and when my father had something serious to say… he would sit me down with a cup of tea. I didn’t drink tea then but I knew from that offer of tea and a chat, that the conversation was going to be a serious and important one. We got much more out of those calm chats that I realised at the time.

Interestingly, a friend, Zoe Shuttleworth, is one of the key people behind – It Happens Education. It Happens Education are a team of specialists who deliver age-appropriate RSHE workshops for schools. One strand of their work focusses on relationships and digital lives (pornography, image sharing and harmful content, the law, consent, AI). Importantly, they deliver up-to-date and relevant information in an open and honest way, educating and upskilling students, parents and teachers so these conversations can be continued both at home and in the classroom. Describing their approach to working with young people It Happens Education explain, ‘We don’t tell them NOT to do these things. We say ‘it happens… so let’s talk about it’.  A really interesting perspective.

At Stone King, we have a great team of lawyers who specialise in safeguarding and pastoral and student related matters. As a commercial and projects lawyer, I look at colleagues advising in such areas (often dealing with dark and incredibly sad matters) with deep admiration. I also hold this same admiration for our education clients who day in day out go far and beyond their jobs to ensure our children are safe and secure.